How Am I Feeling?

Music usually seems to explain it better...

The Post I Never Wanted to Write

When I found out we were pregnant a couple weeks ago, I tried to think of the perfect way to share with the social media world our good news.  If you Google "funny ways to announce pregnancy on facebook," you get over 80,000 hits.  Unfortunately tonight, there's no funny way to announce the latest update.

After spending 3.5 hrs in the ER today, I was diagnosed as having a miscarriage.  Suddenly I am a member of a club I never wanted to be a part of. 

Let me make it clear that I have NO REGRETS about announcing our pregnancy the moment we found out.  We celebrated the gift of life and couldn't wait to share it with friends and family.  I wanted the whole world to know that I was already in love with Baby Boso #3 and considered this child a blessing.  I do not have all the answers, I don't understand why this had to happen.  But it would have been more tragic to lose this child in silence. 

My One Word this year is FAITH (http://myoneword.org/).  It is my faith that has gotten me through these roller-coaster last two weeks. It is my faith that will see me through this next phase of grieving.  And it is my faith that will be with me as we continue to try to grow our family in the future.  God's word is true and I am clinging to His promises.  In the past few days, I have asked God to give me an increase in faith. I guess He answered my prayers because He has given me an opportunity to exercise that faith - to step beyond doubt - to press forward and continue to trust Him. 

If you're anything like me, your initial reaction might be to ask what you can do to help.  I'm not sure what the answer is, but please be patient with me as I walk through this new territory.  I ask for your prayers, for both myself and my wonderful husband.  He has been amazing through all of this, and I know he's just as confused as I am as to what the next steps are.  Don't forget that this is his loss as well.  And to those of you who may wonder what the big deal is (after all, we only knew we were pregnant for 2.5 weeks), please take time to check out this webpage - (especially the part about what not to say! I'm guilty of making some of the same statements, so there's no judgement here).

So there you have it.  It may not be as fun or glamorous as posting about being pregnant, but I just don't understand why people don't talk about miscarriage.  If it's really as common as all the statistics I found online say it is, why suffer in silence? I certainly have received a giant boost of compassion for all of my fellow mommies who have lost a baby so early.  And I'm beyond thankful for the family and friends who have already been so loving and supportive.

Philippians 4:4-7
 ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I'm Baaaack!

I blame it all on Facebook. I can't believe I haven't posted on this blog since Lillian learned how to crawl!!! Now she's two years old, running all over the place, talking in full sentences, trying to use the potty, and pushing her limits every chance she gets.

I used to love writing a blog post and adding a few pictures every now and then. Actually, I really enjoyed going back and reading some of those posts and re-living the memories. Now it's so easy to post a quick status update on Facebook and move on. But it's just not the same.

So in honor of the fact that we are expecting Baby Boso #3 in October, I've decided to start blogging again. That's right. More blog, less Facebook.

Where to begin...

Edwin will be 5 years old next month. Yes, FIVE. YEARS. OLD. Crazy! He loves music (turns everything into either drums or a guitar), loves to play outside, and is a fantastic big brother. He's so sweet with Lillian and calls himself her protector. Edwin is very energetic and loves school. Speaking of school, he'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall! We've put him in the lottery for Roger Bacon Academy, but that decision is in God's hands. Next Friday we'll find out if he gets in.

Lillian turned 2 in November. She wants to do everything her big brother does, which of course drives him a little bit crazy. She loves to play dress-up, but still likes to wrestle with Daddy and Edwin. You'll rarely see Lillian without her favorite blue blankie and she loves her baby dolls.

Baby Boso #3 is due October 9th. I can't believe God has blessed us with another baby!!! Right now I'm not feeling sick, just a bit more tired than usual. Since I'm only about 4.5 weeks pregnant, I don't expect the major symptoms to hit for another week or so. At least, that's how it went when I was preggo with Edwin and Lillian.

That's it for tonight. If I write anymore it'll turn into a Christmas card letter, and we just can't have that ;) And since I don't like posts without pictures, here's one of our big family taken around Thanksgiving.

Lillian's New Trick!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

I have started this blog post several times and each time it doesn’t sound quite right, so I delete it.  There’s just so much swirling around in my head…and I have no idea how to express it, but I want to try.  Someday I want to look back on this day and remember how happy I am.  This has been the best birthday EVER!!!

Ed was off today, so he let me sleep in.  Oh man, 9:30am has never looked so good :)  While I was sleeping, he took the kids to the store and got stuff to make yummy french toast and sausage.  Mmmm!!  Then (and here’s where my fellow mommies will agree with me that it was beyond wonderful) I got to take a super duper loooong shower with no interruptions.  Woot woot!!  The rest of the morning and early afternoon were just spent being lazy around the house, playing with the kids (when they weren’t napping of course).  We headed to Wilmington to find me a new pair of running shoes. My knees are still hurting from running last week on 8-year old shoes.  Oops.  After a successful trip to Shoe Carnival (buy one get one 1/2 off….Edwin got a pair of Cars shoes that light up!), it was time for church (PC3)!!  Um…have I mentioned how much I love my church?  ‘Cause I do.  I even convinced Ed to sit up front since it was my birthday and all.  After picking the kids up from Grow Zone, we headed to Sam’s Club to pick up diapers.  We had already planned on having a low-key dinner at my parent’s house with Katie, Brian & Anthony.

For two weeks, Ed has been telling me all sorts of different things about my gift.  A couple of times he said he was worried that he ordered it too late, so I might have to wait until Monday to get it.  Then he said that he paid extra to have it delivered, but he had to store it in my parent’s garage.  I was convinced at that point that he had gotten me a bike trailer for Lillian.  We were on our way to my parent’s house when he called my dad to tell him to bring the present outside.  Ed told me I needed to close my eyes and keep them covered until we pulled up. Never one to ruin a gift (I used to wrap my own presents when we were younger…how trustworthy! haha), I complied. 

I had Lillian’s (clean) burp rag over my closed eyes when we pulled up to my parent’s house.  I thought it was strange when Ed rolled down the window…and then I heard “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”  Oh my goodness.  It was a surprise party!!!  As my eyes scanned the crowd, I was completely flabbergasted (I’m 31 now, so I try to use big words).  My girls from work were there, friends from church, family….it was so amazing!  They had set up the slip-n-slide and sprinkler, and the kids were already taking advantage.  We had tons of yummy food and of course CAKE!

The whole time, I was walking around in a bit of a daze.  You see, my birthdays growing up were notoriously “blah” in the party department.  Having a birthday in August usually meant that friends were either on vacation or just didn’t stay in touch over the summer.  There’s one birthday in particular that we all still talk about.  Nobody showed up!!!!  It was pitiful.  But today more than made up for that!  My hubby surprised the heck out of me.  Mom, Dad, Katie and Brian were also in on it and played a HUGE part in making it all come together.  Thank you to everyone!!!!  Once Katie gets some pictures to me, I’ll post them on here (if I remember…or you can always check out facebook). 

God has been so good to me, even though I don’t deserve it.  That’s why He is so amazing! 

Psalm 139: 13-16

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

Cuteness

I don't have a lot to say (shocker!)...but I thought I'd share this adorable picture of Edwin and Lillian taken at Pappy and Grandma's house last week. Love it!!!

Lillian Update - 6 months

On Tuesday, I took Lillian to her 6-month checkup.  She now weighs in at a whopping 14lbs. 12 oz (30th percentile) and is 27 1/2 inches long (90th percentile).  Her development is on track, she’s perfectly healthy, and oh-so-adorable.  And have I mentioned that she’s happy?  Yes, Miss Lillian finds life to be quite joyful…she’s always got a smile for the world.  Here’s a picture from the doctor’s office…

I still can’t believe she’s already 6 months old.  I feel like I was just pregnant!! 

Spring-a-ling

My nephew Anthony plays machine-pitch Little League this year. Unfortunately, since we live so far away, going to games takes a bit of work. The weeknight games would end up getting too late by the time we’d get home (probably close to 9:30), and the weekend games are always on Saturdays (and we try to have at least one day a week that we don’t drive up to Wilmington).

Well yesterday it worked out perfect. The plan was to go to Anthony’s baseball game at 12:30pm and then go to the Spring Fling at his school at 4pm. It was another trip to Wilmington, but we’d be able to spend the whole day with the family.

The game was a lot of fun, but it was HOT!!! I think it was over 90 degrees and we were in direct sunlight. Even with SPF 55, I managed to get a sunburn. Edwin had a blast watching his big cousin play. Everything that Anthony does, Edwin has to do too. He keeps talking about how he wants to get bigger so he can play baseball. So cute!

I was really impressed by all of the kid’s skills this year. They are actually making real plays!! Anthony looked so grown up out there on the field.

Of course, after awhile, Edwin was more concerned with his popcorn than the game, but what do you expect out of a three-year old?

Lillian was happy to hang out in her stroller…and it also kept her out of the sunlight.

A few more pictures with the grandparents - - Edwin loved sitting with Pappy, and Lillian looked adorable in her hat from Grandma.

After the game, Edwin kept trying to give Anthony a hug and told him over and over again “Good game Anthony!” It was super cute. Cousin Anthony is just at that age though that he’d rather hang out with his baseball buddies than his little cousin…so he was less than thrilled :( It was funny though because Mom said it reminded her of me and my big sis when we were little.

We went back to Mom & Dad’s house to cool off and get a bite to eat before the Spring Fling. (Edwin kept calling it the Spring-a-ling!). We got all the way to the school, re-applied the sunblock, had Lillian in her stroller…ready to go. Yeah, this is where the plans fell apart. Edwin caught a glimpse of the Sharks mascot walking around and he FREAKED OUT!!!! I’m talking hysterical crying, shaking, clinging mess. No matter what we tried (and we tried everything), Edwin wasn’t having it….so we left. I was bummed because my sis put a ton of work into this (she was co-chair) and I really wanted to see everything, but there was just no way it was going to work. I think the lack of a nap had a little something to do with the meltdown, because Edwin slept the whole way home. Oh well…maybe next year.

Today we’re enjoying a lazy Sunday. Ed is sleeping in, Edwin is watching Elmo’s Adventures in Grouchland, Lillian is napping, and I’m actually getting a few things done around the house. We’ll head to church for the 4pm service and then back home for a yummy dinner that’s already in the crockpot. What a great weekend! I’ll leave you with a picture of my adorable children from yesterday morning.

Mother’s Day

I know I don't post on here very often, but I have two very good reasons.  Edwin and Lillian.  There's very little time to spend with them and frankly, I'd rather spend it with them rather than blogging.  But today, I feel I need to say.....I ADORE being a mother.  It is the hardest job I've ever had.  It can be challenging, frustrating, scary, intense, confusing, overwhelming --- the list goes on and on.  However, it is also rewarding, wonderful, fun, exciting, beautiful, precious and amazing.  I still marvel at the fact that God chose me to be mommy to Edwin and Lillian. 

I tried to upload the video my sister made me for Mother's Day 2007 (a collection of pictures when Edwin was tiny), but it wouldn't work.  So here’s the link to the slideshow Katie made me a couple of months ago when Lillian was born.  And since there’s nothing as sweet as a sleeping baby, here are pictures of Edwin and Lillian sleeping….at just about the same age.  Yes, my children look identical!! haha.  I’d also like to say Happy Mother’s Day to my own mom.  I love you!!!!  And I have a much greater appreciation for the craziness that must have been your life (especially with DJ….hee hee).

 

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sister Katie!!!!! Yesterday was my brother-in-law Brian's birthday too. So....we're all going out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I thank God for both of them!!!

Checking In

On Wednesday, we took a trip to the pediatrician's office for Lillian's 4-month checkup and Edwin's 3-year checkup. Goodness time flies!! Here are their stats:

Lillian

Weight: 13lbs 4oz (50th percentile)
Length: 25 1/2 inches (90th percentile)

Edwin

Weight: 36 lbs (90th percentile)
Height: 40 inches (95th percentile)

Apparently we've got some big kids!! Most importantly they are both healthy and it appears that they have both forgiven us for the shots they received :)

Edwin has become such a sweet big brother. He's always concerned about his "Silly Lilly" as he calls her...so sweet! Here's a video from the other day when we were just hanging out at the house. It's not long (less than 40 seconds), but it's super cute.

Hope

Over a year ago, I started following MckMama’s blog…some of you may have heard of her, or of her little boy Stellan.  She recently went to Kenya on a mission trip through Compassion International.  Every day, I read her updates and viewed her photos…and every day my heart would start pounding and my mind would race.  It’s so easy for me to live my life and forget that there are entire countries out there full of people that live in far worse conditions than my brain can even comprehend.  It makes me wonder why God placed me here in Wilmington – why I have a roof over my head, a pantry full of food (even when I arrogantly stand there staring at the shelves thinking “there’s nothing to eat”), a job that allows me to provide for my family.  And it makes me even more grateful for those same things. 

It’s no secret that we’re trying to sell our house and move closer to town.  I admit there are some days that I boo-hoo and whine that our house hasn’t sold, I’m tired of driving so much every day, etc.  But more and more I’m reminded that this is a mere inconvenience.  I mean, hello?!  I’m complaining that I have a functional car that takes me from my good job with great benefits to my nice house where I spend time with my healthy children and husband??!!  What is wrong with me?? 

Ok, I’ve gotten a bit off track.  While I was reading MckMama’s posts, I kept getting the feeling in the pit of my stomach that I really wanted to sponsor one of the children in Kenya.  I began praying that God would make an opportunity for me to talk about this with Ed.  Sure enough, two Sundays ago at church, they showed a video from Hope 127, a project that PC3 has in Kenya.  You can go to the website to get all the background, but basically, Pastor Jackson and his wife run Mama Helen’s Rehabilitation Center.  I’ve known about this for awhile – in fact, our small group last year decided to sponsor one of the boys from the center.  I regret to say that I never took this seriously – the way we collected money was in what we called the “John Jar.”  Sure I would throw in a few bucks here and there, but I never let my heart realize the fact that it represented a REAL PERSON who had REAL NEEDS!  When I watched the video at church, tears started to fall when I saw the conditions the children were living in, and the hope that they find at Mama Helen’s.  I even had the crazy thought that maybe possibly perhaps someday eventually if things fall into place maybe I would want to go on a mission trip over there?  Crazy, I KNOW!!  I have NEVER thought that, and it’s even strange to type it here.  But who knows?   So that night after church I asked Ed if he would consider having us sponsor a child from Hope 127 and he agreed.  I’ve filled out the paperwork and just need to drop it off at church this Sunday.

God is so amazing.  I neglected the “John Jar” and missed an opportunity to help that little boy.  Jonah 2:8 says “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”   But God has changed my heart and now we are able to help another child (don’t worry, John is still taken care of).   And here’s something really cool – my friend Rebecca and her daughter Hannah are going to Kenya in August.  I’m hopeful that they’ll be able to meet the boy or girl that we end up sponsoring…how cool is that??!??

Just as a disclaimer – I’m not writing this post to say oh, aren’t we wonderful for sponsoring a child. That’s not it.  I guess I just wanted to show one of the ways that God is working in my life…and maybe encourage someone else to sponsor a child, whether it’s through Compassion International or Hope 127.  Just a thought.

 

HOPE 127 | Kenya Project from PC3 on Vimeo.