Today was Edwin’s first day in the Big Boy room at daycare. The age group is 12 months-24 months. Now to me, that seems like a giant difference in development. But we didn’t have much choice in the matter…..that’s just the way things are. So this morning when we arrived, it was very uncomfortable for both of us. His regular “teacher” wasn’t there, just someone from the 2yr old class who was helping out. I have never met her before. All of the other kids looked like giants compared to my little boy, and the room itself was just a little bit intimidating. There are no cribs-they expect a 13 month old to just go to sleep on a little cot. Yeah right. And the playground just seems like he has a thousand more opportunities to get hurt. But we tried to make the best of it. I brought him over to the toy area and started building a tower with him. Things were going great, or so I thought. As I stood up to leave, he suddenly burst into tears, screamed at the top of his lungs, and turned beet red. It wasn’t just the “I’m cranky” cry, oh no. It was the pitiful “please don’t leave me mommy” cry. Everything I’ve heard or read about this sort of thing says to make the goodbye short and sweet because drawing it out only makes it harder on the child. So I gave him a kiss, told him I would see him later, and then had to leave. I took one last glance back and he was holding out his arms towards the door with giant crocodile tears streaming down his face. Yup, that did it. I started crying. I just couldn’t help it. He’s never cried like that when I’ve dropped him off before.
And yes, I know this isn’t the end of the world. I know that he’s probably playing and laughing even as I write this. I know that he’s a kid, and he’ll get hurt, and the world will keep spinning. I know that he’s never alone, that God loves him even more than I do (is that possible??). But today was the hardest day I’ve had with being a working mommy. I’m not trying to pretend that being a stay-at-home mommy is easy, far from it. But just today, I wanted to be the one that was able to play with Edwin and take care of him, and snuggle him.
Daycare sucks (sometimes).